I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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