She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
