I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
