Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
