Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
