so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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