So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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