I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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