I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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