Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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