It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
