so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
