apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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