I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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