youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
