If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
