You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
