I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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