Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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