see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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