Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
