I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
