Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
