Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
