Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
