I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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