My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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