I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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