At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
