I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
