More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
