so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize