Tell her she can't have a vagina
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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