How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
