i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
