She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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