dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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