if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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