I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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