I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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