wat bout pragnant strippers??
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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