You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
