there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
