I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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