I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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