Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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