This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
