Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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