Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When did angry sex become our thing?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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