wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
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