Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
