I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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