Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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