I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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