Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
