How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
