her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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