I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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