OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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