Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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