May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
