Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
