whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
