i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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