I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
