WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
