It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
