my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
