I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
