i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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