I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
