She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish I could teleport
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
