is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
