Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
