Only a mothe r could love this liver
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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