Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
