Already got asked if we're dating
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
