Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize