i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
