the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
3pm strippers are depressing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
