I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
